Be your own Superhero

Take your life seriously, be brave and take action.

With 2017 behind me and 2018 already unfolding, I feel different….renewed. A new energy is motivating me, like all of a sudden my life has just got serious….no, not serious but that I’m taking my life more seriously. Perhaps this is just a January feeling that every new day counts or something, whatever it is, I’m compelled to make some positive changes. How long will this last? Who knows. I do know that it has felt that I’ve lived a lot of my life thus far like a student and now I’m all grown up at 46 with a 9 year old daughter!! Talk about taking my time.

My first post this year was going to be a poem that I wrote a few years ago but it didn’t feel right so for the first time here, I’m just writing my thoughts as they arise in my mind. So apologies if it becomes a little incoherent.

I didn’t realise how the events of last year had taken their toll on me. I know January 1st is just another day but it still holds significance in wiping the slate clean and letting go of the negative emotions associated with the last years shenanigans. My hopes and desires for 2018 are big, I’m dreaming big for love, career, passions and experiences. Why not? I’ve restricted myself so much in the past, feeling not worthy of an amazing relationship, of abundance, of happiness. I’ve had enough of seemingly being dealt and accepting a bad hand, it’s my time to shine and shine I will.

I’ll prove myself right or wrong, whichever, I have no attachment to the outcome, just that a shift is already in motion. The decisions I make from here on in will send me on a particular path and I’m not going to care about the multiple parallel universes where I turn out differently. I’m going to practice mindfulness in this path, in this universe, there is no place for ‘what ifs’ ‘if only’s’ or regrets.

So I urge you and myself to pull our socks up, stand tall, be brave, dream big this year and take action.

Think I’ll set a reminder to read this post at the start of every month!

A little late but Happy New Year x

Note To Self

 

Mindlessly mindful, ever present and knowing.

Completely aware of myself and selfishly indulging in the circuit of thought.

Allowing self loathing, almost seeking it to reveal the self pity

To reveal the victim inside

Longing to overwhelm the present.

The beautiful present, full of love, the potential of laughter and joy

The potential of happiness.

 

I hate myself for surrendering.

I care less and allow myself to be fully in the moment of disdain, of dislike.

 

I see what I think others see and yet I know there is no clarity, my internal is hidden from them.

Blood, sinews, desires, darkness,

clarity would only expose twisted and dead end cavernous thoughts.

I am reluctant to go there for fear of feeling trapped,

the dread of wrapping myself up tightly

unable to penetrate from the inside or outside.

 

And so, I write to stop the madness

 

The temptation to write drives my pen. I cannot stop and yet the words do not come naturally all at once.

 

I love you, I feel your pain, I feel your guttural lock.

I see the knot in your deep lumbar cavity

seeping and poisoning your being

I see it in your loving

It is there to torture you, to play with you like a helpless bird

You are a toy, endless prey

 

Care more about your awareness

You have it in abundance

You are

strong enough

destructive presence can cease

take notice and be open, it has to reveal itself.

Absolution and acknowledgement will bring release.

 

I love you, you are my hearts desire

You are worthy and valid,

You are alive and real

You are here and present. Be that person.

 

I love you

Sparkle on bright shining star.