Go To Your Edges

Challenge yourself to go to your edges, that’s where the funky stuff happens.

Do you know what it feels like to look in the mirror and see nothing?

Life in the U bend can be cynical and sad at times. It’s hard to access gratitude for the everyday things. By this time in our lives we know what is good for us, we know what to do but its tricky finding the motivation and momentum to do it. It’s sometimes easier to keep looking at nothing in the mirror.

On ‘those’ days I say to myself ‘this too shall pass’ and it invariably does. There are moments of light, glimmers of sparkles. Generally I think happiness can be realised by being in the right place, doing the right things with the right people, obviously that is different for all of us. Having the power to make this happen is surely the way forward.

I also think that exploring and embracing our creativity in all its forms is another contributory factor to happiness. I love finding the wild woman inside, connecting with my passions, my desires, and my creative spirit. I feel creativity is key to unlock doors and dream up new ways of being. I am inspired mostly to write, to paint and to dance.

When we are connected to our instinctual, intuitive minds, our impulses to love, to create, to believe and to desire can be born. That’s when the juicy stuff that excites us manifests. That’s when our belief in ourselves heightens and we feel brave enough to move closer to our edges. Then the really funky shit shows up. Staying in our comfort zones day in, day out can begin to feel like torture. The speck of dust before us grows so big that it clouds our minds and keeps us in the prison of judgement towards ourselves and others. It keeps us locked onto the petty daily irritations rather than allowing us to be expansive and really feel alive.

It can be a painful process moving out of our comfort zones, exploring the unknown areas of ourselves and taking our first steps. Comfort zones, after all, are comfortable, but sometimes being comfortable can get really dull. There is no challenge to comfortable, there is no growth. So as painful and scary as it might be, going to our edges in our relationships, our career, our creativity, our minds will increase our power to surge forward and flourish. It will boost our confidence, our connections, and our self-esteem. It will make us more attractive, more satisfied, and more loving. Waking up and wanting to embrace the day and finding our flow will be a common occurrence.

So I encourage you (and myself) to go out and begin creating, go to your edges. Dance, drum, sing, write, meditate, paint, make, play, story tell. Deeply involve yourself in creative acts that make you feel happy. Don’t worry what other people say and don’t listen to that part of your psyche that has a low opinion of you. Let’s not grovel at its feet, instead bop it over the head and run for freedom. Take yourself, your ideas, and your creative power far more seriously than you have in the past. What you learn, experience and grow will have its time; it will fade and die but will be reborn again and again if you remain fearless and keep boldly going to your edges.

Note To Self

 

Mindlessly mindful, ever present and knowing.

Completely aware of myself and selfishly indulging in the circuit of thought.

Allowing self loathing, almost seeking it to reveal the self pity

To reveal the victim inside

Longing to overwhelm the present.

The beautiful present, full of love, the potential of laughter and joy

The potential of happiness.

 

I hate myself for surrendering.

I care less and allow myself to be fully in the moment of disdain, of dislike.

 

I see what I think others see and yet I know there is no clarity, my internal is hidden from them.

Blood, sinews, desires, darkness,

clarity would only expose twisted and dead end cavernous thoughts.

I am reluctant to go there for fear of feeling trapped,

the dread of wrapping myself up tightly

unable to penetrate from the inside or outside.

 

And so, I write to stop the madness

 

The temptation to write drives my pen. I cannot stop and yet the words do not come naturally all at once.

 

I love you, I feel your pain, I feel your guttural lock.

I see the knot in your deep lumbar cavity

seeping and poisoning your being

I see it in your loving

It is there to torture you, to play with you like a helpless bird

You are a toy, endless prey

 

Care more about your awareness

You have it in abundance

You are

strong enough

destructive presence can cease

take notice and be open, it has to reveal itself.

Absolution and acknowledgement will bring release.

 

I love you, you are my hearts desire

You are worthy and valid,

You are alive and real

You are here and present. Be that person.

 

I love you

Sparkle on bright shining star.